Dear Toby: HR Advice Column: Christmas Party Chaos

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"Dear Toby,  

We just had our company Christmas party and overall it was great - until it wasn’t. 

One of my employees had way too much to drink and started making comments that crossed several lines. They weren’t malicious, but they were absolutely inappropriate. A few people laughed it off in the moment, but now that we’re back at work, I can’t look at them the same way. 

Since it happened after hours but at a company-sponsored event, I’m torn. Am I supposed to treat this like a workplace issue? Or do I let it slide because it was “just the Christmas party”? I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to fail my team by ignoring behaviour that made people uncomfortable. What should I do?"

- Not-So-Jolly Manager 

Dear Not-So-Jolly, 

Ah, the annual holiday dilemma:  The music is loud, the drinks are flowing, the sweaters are ugly… and somebody makes the kind of comments that would never pass the “Monday morning test.” 

Let’s get straight to it:  If it happened at a company-sponsored event, it is a workplace matter.  Even if it’s after hours. Even if it’s off-site. Even if most people were “just having fun.” Company events are an extension of the workplace, which means the same expectations for respectful conduct apply. 

That doesn’t automatically mean you need to drop the hammer - but it does mean you shouldn’t ignore it. Here’s how to approach it in a way that is fair, human, and grounded in good people practices. 

Option 1: Have a 1:1 Conversation to Clear the Air 

This works if the behaviour was inappropriate but not egregious (e.g., questionable jokes, flirtatious comments, oversharing). 

You can say something like: 

“At the holiday party, some comments you made were inappropriate and made others uncomfortable. I want to flag it now so we can reset expectations. I’m not here to punish you - I just want to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” 

This documents the issue informally and reinforces boundaries without escalating unnecessarily. 

Option 2: Move to Formal Coaching or a Written Warning 

If the comments were clearly over the line (e.g., sexual, discriminatory, or directed at specific people), or if this isn’t the first incident: 

• Document the behaviour 

• Discuss the impact 

• Clarify expectations going forward 

• Outline consequences if it happens again 

You don’t need to label it “discipline” if that feels heavy-handed - “formal coaching” works well - but you do need a paper trail. 

Option 3: Launch a More Formal Investigation 

This is reserved for scenarios where: 

• A complaint was made 

• The comments were harassing or overtly harmful 

• There were several witnesses 

• Or the employee disputes what happened 

The goal is not to be punitive - it’s to ensure fairness and clarity. 

But whatever you do, please don’t do Option 4: Pretend It’s Not a Work Issue 

When leaders “let it slide,” it sends a clear message:  At parties, all bets are off. 

That’s a recipe for much bigger problems next year. 

Future You Will Thank You: Set Clear Expectations for Next Year’s Party 

A little planning goes a long way. Here’s how to prevent a repeat performance: 

✔ Add a Code of Conduct Reminder 

Send an email before the event reinforcing that: 

• Company functions are considered part of the workplace 

• Respectful conduct is expected 

• Harassment policies still apply 

Tone can be friendly, not corporate - whatever matches your brand. 

✔ Manage Alcohol Thoughtfully 

You don't need to throw a “dry” party, but you can: 

• Offer drink tickets instead of open bar 

• Provide great non-alcoholic options 

• Ensure food is served throughout 

• Consider ending the official event earlier and letting people move on to their own after-party (where it is not a company event) 

✔ Coach Leaders Ahead of Time 

Make sure managers know: 

• How to redirect inappropriate behaviour 

• How to discreetly cut someone off 

• How to support employees in the moment 

✔ Debrief After the Event 

A 10-minute leadership huddle ensures you catch issues early rather than in January. 

Final Word 

You’re not overreacting - you’re leading.  You’re modelling what a safe, respectful workplace looks like, even during the holidays. 

Treat the behaviour seriously, but also compassionately. Most people cringe at their own actions once they sober up, and a respectful conversation can go a long way. 

And next year?  Set the tone before the first drink is poured. 

Got a thorny people problem of your own? Ask Toby.  We don’t sugarcoat it, but we do help you get unstuck - with straight talk and smart HR. 

Disclaimer: The "Dear Toby" advice column is designed to provide general HR insights and guidance but should not be taken as legal advice. Every business and situation is unique, and employment laws vary by jurisdiction. Before implementing any advice from this column, we recommend consulting with a qualified HR professional or legal expert to ensure it aligns with your specific circumstances.