Dear Toby: HR Advice Column - Walking on Eggshells

Dear Toby,

I’ve got someone on my team who’s not doing anything wrong on paper, but their tone is harsh, they roll their eyes in meetings, and they’re kind of… well, a jerk. It’s creating tension in the office. Other staff have mentioned it, and I’ve seen it myself. But since there’s no official policy against “being annoying,” I’m not sure what I can actually do. Thoughts?

—Walking on Eggshells in Winnipeg

Dear Eggshells,

Ah yes, the classic case of the "technically fine" employee with Olympic-level eye rolls and the communication finesse of a rusty lawnmower. They’re not violating any policies or breaking the rules—but they’re absolutely breaking morale—and that matters.

Here’s the thing: just because someone isn’t committing an HR offense doesn’t mean their behaviour isn’t causing one. Culture matters. Team dynamics matter. And when someone is creating an uncomfortable or tense environment, it’s worth addressing—even if it’s not the kind of thing you’d write them up for in a policy handbook.

Let’s dig into how to deal with this.

1. Start With Observation (But Don’t Stay There Too Long)

If you haven’t already, take some time to observe the behaviour objectively. Jot down specific examples of what you’ve seen or heard—not just “they were rude,” but “interrupted Jane 3 times in Monday’s meeting and rolled their eyes when Mark suggested an idea.” This helps move the conversation from “vibes” to evidence.

The goal here isn’t to build a legal case. It’s to prepare yourself to have a productive conversation instead of a vague, unhelpful one.

2. Check the Culture Compass

Ask yourself: Are we clear on what’s expected in terms of how we communicate, treat each other, and collaborate?

If not, this might be a great time to reintroduce or refresh your company values or behavioural expectations. You don’t need a “no eye-rolling in meetings” policy, but you can emphasize values like respect, collaboration, and psychological safety. It gives you something concrete to anchor to—without becoming the Tone Police.

3. Have the Conversation (Yes, That One)

This part is uncomfortable, but way less uncomfortable than letting resentment boil over for months. Schedule a 1:1 with the employee and keep it grounded in specifics and impact:

“I’ve noticed some behaviours—like tone in meetings and reactions to team suggestions—that are affecting the team dynamic. I wanted to check in with you about how you’re feeling and see if we can align on expectations.”

This isn’t an accusation. It’s a conversation. Sometimes, people truly don’t realize how they’re coming across. Other times, they do—and the conversation signals that their behaviour is being noticed and won’t be ignored.

4. Coach, Don’t Just Correct

If you’ve decided to give them a chance to improve, be clear about what “better” looks like:

“I’d like to see more open and supportive dialogue in meetings.”

“When teammates are presenting ideas, I’d appreciate if we could stay focused on the content, not the delivery.”

“If you’re feeling frustrated, I want you to come to me directly instead of letting it show in group settings.”

Bonus: offer support. Maybe they’re stressed, burnt out, or dealing with something you don’t know about. You don’t need to pry—but showing some openness can make a big difference in how they respond.

5. Create Accountability

This is important: if the behaviour doesn’t improve, it is a performance issue. You can’t coach forever. You don’t need a policy that says “don’t be a jerk” to take action—especially if the behaviour is affecting others’ ability to feel safe, heard, or productive at work.

Document the conversation. Keep track of any patterns. And if necessary, start a more formal performance improvement process that’s tied to interpersonal expectations—not just deliverables.

6. Protect the Team, Not Just the Paper Trail

Remember that when you don’t address behaviour like this, it sends a loud message to your team: that as long as you’re technically performing, how you treat others doesn’t matter. That’s how good people disengage. That’s how culture slides.

So kudos to you, Eggshells, for noticing the tension and wanting to take action before things spiral.

Got a burning workplace question? Ask Toby! We’ll tackle the trickiest, weirdest, or most “ugh, what now?” HR scenarios with real talk and real solutions. Email your questions to info@aandaconsulting.ca with “Ask Toby” in the subject line!

Disclaimer: The "Dear Toby" advice column is designed to provide general HR insights and guidance but should not be taken as legal advice. Every business and situation is unique, and employment laws vary by jurisdiction. Before implementing any advice from this column, we recommend consulting with a qualified HR professional or legal expert to ensure it aligns with your specific circumstances.

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