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Submitted February 2025
Dear Toby,
I have two employees who are constantly butting heads. It’s creating tension in the office, and I’m worried it will start affecting the team. How do I mediate without picking sides?
— Caught in the Middle
Dear Caught in the Middle,
Workplace tensions can spread faster than a bad pot of office coffee, so kudos to you for wanting to tackle this before it escalates. Here’s how to mediate without getting stuck in the crossfire:
Bring them together – Start with individual check-ins to understand their perspectives, then schedule a joint conversation. Make it clear this isn’t about picking sides—it’s about finding a way forward.
Set ground rules – Keep the discussion professional and solution-focused. No interruptions, no finger-pointing—just honest, respectful dialogue.
Find the root cause – Is it clashing work styles? Miscommunication? Personal grievances? Identifying the real issue helps you focus on solutions rather than symptoms.
Encourage accountability – Ask each employee how they can adjust their approach to work more effectively together. Shifting the mindset from “they need to change” to “what can I do differently?” is key.
Set clear expectations – They don’t have to be best friends, but they do need to collaborate professionally. Outline what respectful teamwork looks like and make it clear that ongoing conflict won’t be tolerated.
Follow up – A one-time chat won’t cut it. Check in periodically to see if things are improving and reinforce positive interactions.
If the tension persists despite your best efforts, consider team-building activities or even outside mediation. And if behaviours cross a line, performance management or disciplinary action might be warranted. At the end of the day, a functional team is more important than individual egos.
Good luck!
— Toby
Disclaimer: The "Dear Toby" advice column is designed to provide general HR insights and guidance but should not be taken as legal advice. Every business and situation is unique, and employment laws vary by jurisdiction. Before implementing any advice from this column, we recommend consulting with a qualified HR professional or legal expert to ensure it aligns with your specific circumstances.
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